Counterpressure

Me and the baby boy from my most recent birth attended.

I had the lovely opportunity to attend not one but two beautiful births as a doula recently. Though very different circumstances for the birth families and very different birth outcomes, each of the births had one theme in common: counterpressure.

Both of the laboring moms I attended to this past weekend requested (and at several points in labor, demanded) counterpressure be placed on their lower back during contractions. I had rock hard biceps by the end of the weekend due to the counterpressure exercises carried out in hospital beds, hallways, bathtubs, birth balls, rocking chairs and toilets.

My work as a doula is some of the most rewarding work I’ve ever done. It is so satisfying. I find that I usually experience a birth high after each baby is born as I celebrate the new addition with elation with family, friends (anyone who will listen to me rant about the necessity of supported birth)!

Put Your Guard Up

Dylan's Guard. Note: He's a happy child. Except when provoked. Can you relate?

My son Dylan recently began exhibiting a most curious behavior. He puts his guard up. Literally.

If his little sister takes his toy, he calmly puts both fists up in front of his face for a moment. If he’s really irked, he’ll shadow box for awhile without making contact with his offender with his fists. Then he’ll stop and resume playing or air his grievance to the offender.

When I first observed it, this new behavior startled me. Does my child want to punch other people? What have I done wrong as a parent to cause this aggressive behavior?

Sure, my husband works out at the boxing gym three nights a week and practices in the basement with our boxing equipment…but why the five-year-old fisticuffs stance?

I have much to learn from Young Master Dylan.

I put my guard up, too. Just not quite so literally as my five-year-old. Harsh words and insensitive interactions have the same power as a well-landed jab to the solar plexus to take me straight to the ground and make my world spin.

Lesson from Dylan?

Keep your elbows in and your fists up when you need to.
Don’t hurt people, but be assertive.

Thanks, buddy!

The Brandons!

Lukas, Janelle, Dylan, Julia

Accepting 30

Flirty 30-Sanibel Island, FL

On November 3, 2011, I turned 30 years old. I celebrated with my mother on Sanibel Island in Florida. It was magical.

A friend once told me, “Things calm down when you turn 30. You won’t be as restless as you were in your 20s. You’ll be more content.”

Wrong. At least in my case. I feel much the opposite. There is so much to do, read, experience, learn and accomplish.

When I was 26, I took a job with Lake Agassiz Regional Library as their Marketing Director. I’m in charge of “selling” literacy and library access for all. A sweet gig? Yes, absolutely. My job reflects my values.

But it wasn’t enough. There were other paths of self-examination I insisted on exploring.

Doulas welcome brand new Earthlings.

#1-Supporting Mothers/Families as a Doula

I became a doula because women and families deserve education and advocacy and tender loving care  when they bring children into the world. End of story. And I love it.

#2-Writing What I Need to Read

Everyone enjoys a good story.

There are fewer published women writers than men. I have a lot to say and I LOVE interviewing people. I must write or I get withdrawal symptoms. (Not kidding.) I’ve written a story for children and am working on getting it published. I’ll keep you posted on that front!

#3-Treating My Body With Kindness.

Nora & Janelle are headed to the BWCA in September 2012!

I’m rather obsessed about food. Good food. I want to learn more about food and it’s power to heal. It’s quite the quest and there is much to learn. Also, if I don’t take some form of exercise each day (swimming, biking, dancing or walking), I’m just not myself.

So these are the ways in which I’m accepting 30, creating calm and cultivating contentment.

I’m glad you’re on this journey with me.

Broken Bike=Bus

Protect me!

My bicycle is broken. It’s not all that devastating as I have the luxury of fixing my bike at the FM Community Bicycle Workshop. Until I get there, it became necessary that I find an alternate mode of transportation to and from work. I can take the car to work. And I am sure I will from time to time. But in the meantime…I’ll ride the bus!

Though I’ve lived in Moorhead for over four years, I hadn’t boarded a city bus until Try Transit Week this fall. My husband often takes our kids on bus adventures and was eager to take me through his version of Rider Orientation 101.

1) Arrive early. The buses are generally on time.
2) Know your route. Don’t expect to get coddled by the busdriver!
3) Take social cues from other riders. Electronic devices mean “Don’t talk to me!”

I was ready! Day 1 on the bus was a breeze. I followed all of the rules and arrived at work and home at scheduled times. The experience on Day 2 was a different story altogether.

Though I was running late, my sense of confidence swelled within me and I leisurely strode the quarter mile toward the bus stop. About a block from my pick up point, I watched the bus come and go. I was shocked. And soon, I realized, I would be cold. I quickly made the decision to walk to work instead of waiting another 30 minutes for the next bus. Skirt and black boots and all.

As I approached an elementary school, I observed several crossing guards goofing around. I pondered for a moment about how I grew up in such a small community, there wasn’t need for patrol. I slowed down my brisk pace as I neared the guards. They were blowing their whistles and I assumed this was an indication they intended to protect my ability to cross safely.

I was wrong. I was so wrong. As I crossed, one of the guards muttered, “maam…,” softly and then her voice trailed off. Before I knew it, an irate mother pulled over, rolled down her window, looked at me and said, “You are being so rude! You need to wait for their signal! It was the car’s turn to go, not yours!” With that, the angry mom sped away. I couldn’t move. I was shocked. Dumbfounded. Admittedly, I didn’t know the rules of the crossing patrol as I don’t have children in school and I haven’t experienced “patrol” firsthand. The fact that pedestrians’ right to cross didn’t trump motor vehicles in this situation still astounds me.

You know what, though? I know their procedure now. I got back on the horse for Day 3 of riding the bus, head held high as I approached the school near my bus stop. I waited cautiously as the guards protected my path, crossed safely and proceeded to miss my bus…again. This time, I was properly dressed for the cool fall weather and armed with my iPod. As I listened to my Audiobook from Lake Agassiz Digital Library, I observed the crossing guards work their magic maneuvers to direct and divert traffic and pedestrians seamlessly.

On Day 4, I consider myself a pro. Professional bus commuter and professional school crosswalker. Riding the bus “holds the space” for me. It allows me to transition from home to work in an actively engaged way and I am thankful for the guards protecting my morning commute as well.

Ride on.

Pre-Unschooler

Back to school. Today, thousands of children between the ages of 5 and 18 will pack backpacks, load buses and fill school halls for approximately 180 days of learning, socializing and extra-curricular activities. I can almost smell the scent of new crayons and clothes as I watch the children across the street wait in the crisp fall air as the rumble of the school bus comes to a squeaky stop in front of them.

Back to School?

As summer draws to a close, many well-meaning adults will ask our four-year-old Dylan, “Are you going to pre-school this year?” or they’ll excitedly exclaim, “Only one more year until you get to go to school!”
No school here. It is our intention to continue as we have been the first four years of our child’s life with exploring, adventuring and learning through living. The hardest part about unschooling for me is de-programming myself from my schooled ways. Trusting that because my child has the capacity to learn, that he will.
Yesterday was Labor Day. In Minnesota, the last day of summer vacation before school begins. Our day started early with my almost two-year-old Julia and a stroller walk to the grocery store for the necessities. She told me when the light was green and I could walk and when it was red and I had to stop. Since she is out and about in the stroller and bike trailer so much, her internal GPS navigation system is spot on! She can tell when she’s in her neighborhood (the 8 or so square blocks that surround our home in Moorhead) and which park she’d like to visit (Davy, Northeast, Hansmann, Arbor and Buland to name a few).
When we returned home, she helped me collect tomatoes and jalapenos from the garden as we prepare to gather all the ingredients we’ll need for salsa!
Later that morning, after Dylan woke up (around 9:30 a.m….the kids don’t have a bedtime or schedule as they really don’t have anywhere to be the next day!) he and I did some baking. Not from scratch mind you. I bought a can of pre-made cinnamon rolls and biscuits that go POP! when you smack them on the counter…still brings me child-like joy every time I open one of those! Dylan read me the directions and placed the biscuits the correct distance apart on the pan and got the oven set to the right temperature and the timer set. Ta-da: Breakfast!
Julia went down for her nap around 2  p.m. and Dylan and I played the Simpson’s Clue game. I’ve never played before so I relied upon Dylan to teach me. And he did. With joy and love, he patiently explained the rules of the game and was gentle with me when I made mistakes and he had to correct me. It’s tremendously fulfilling to me to learn from my child instead of seeing myself in a solely authoritative role. We’re in a respectful partnership and the relationship needs love and patience to grow and blossom!
We finished the day with a bike ride to several parks and then roasted marshmallows over the fire before bedtime at 10:30 p.m.
I don’t really like the term “unschool.” But homeschool isn’t really accurate either because we’re often not at home and we aren’t following any sort of curriculum.
Happy fall, happy schooling or unschooling or the many choices and options in between as make our way in this world together.

Strawberries & Rain

Finally! The rain ceased. I was eager to get out for a morning walk as soon as  I saw registered the sun light up the sky out my bedroom window. The raincloud parked over Moorhead the last few days attempted to dash my spirits and came very close several times.

1st attempt:
I decided to chance it and ride my bike to work and back  and got caught in a cloudburst. The bike, nor the girl, nor the shoes fared well! I shot an accusing glare toward my husband when I got home, standing drenched in the kitchen and demanding, “Why didn’t you answer your phone and come pick me up!” Whoa, not his fault. :S

2nd attempt:
After I wrestled Julia’s shoes on her, she promptly insisted, “Outside!” Sorry, sister, I won’t let you go mudding and puddling in Moorhead. A familiar wave of parenting guilt washed over me as I wasn’t able to give my child exactly what she wanted, in the exact moment she desired it…(I’m a Millennial trophy kid.) ;0)

And on the third day, sunshine. And strawberries. And swimming. And sunscreen.

Welcome back, summer. Summer, though our relationship is complicated and inconsistent, I look forward to  greeting making an effort to greet your sunrises and chasing down your sunsets. Thank you for your bounty. I’ll take your rain (and bugs, Oy vey) if you’ll kindly stretch your delightful temperatures into October (which is when I think my tomatoes might be ready).  Consider it!